Couples often come in feeling disconnected from one another, and sometimes this has gone a long way down the track with each person suffering in pain, hurt and isolation and not knowing how to get to something better in their relationship.
“if only we had come in to see you sooner, we could have saved so much pain and drama in our relationship”
Couples Therapy also known as couple counselling or relationship counselling can really help couples to get to a better place in their relationship.
I use one of the few internationally recognized evidence based approaches to Couples Therapy called Emotionally Focused Therapy, which is growing in popularity in New Zealand. I have led the initial development of Emotionally Focused Therapy in New Zealand by bringing Dr Rebecca Jorgensen to New Zealand from 2008 to 2014. Over this time I organised and hosted trainings to over 260 counsellors, psychotherapists and psychologists from NZ, Australia and the United States. This gave me a unique opportunity to spend many hours in training and conversation with Rebecca and other practitioners about the application of Emotionally Focused Therapy to couples work.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy focuses on the attachment dynamics in a couple’s relationship, and how these influence the ways that each person in the couple relationship responds to one another as they try to meet their needs in their relationship – their patterns of connection and disconnection. This dynamic drives a couple’s communication patterns and behaviours. As a couple comes to understand the attachment dynamics they are involved in they can start to get beyond the dramas that get in the way (negative cycles of interaction), and get to the places they want to be with one another (positive cycles of interaction). Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy helps couples to move away from moments of disconnection, frustration or despair and to find their way to moments of satisfaction, connection, hope and love.
What kinds of issues do couples bring to counselling?
Couples may be struggling with cycles of conflict and withdrawal, finding they are moving through patterns where they end up feeling frustrated, isolated, hurt or angry with one another. They may have fallen into living parallel lives, attending to the daily activities of life but with little intimacy or emotional connection between them. Other couples may have experienced a trauma like an affair or some other loss of trust in the relationship that has created emotional hurt and separation and damaged the relationship. Some couples struggle with issues from their original family or their previous relationships, which they find are impacting on their current relationship.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy can work effectively with all of these issues and help couples to get to the place they want to be with one another – where each person in the couple relationship is feeling seen, understood, loved and connected.
Learn More about Couples Therapy
If you want to know more about Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy below is an article from the ICEEFT website discussing Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in more depth
Please visit my links page to explore more about Couples Therapy.
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